Grieving a Fellow Reader and Close Friend

My good friend Susan, an amazing woman, mother, scientist, and friend, died on Monday at age 38 after living with cancer for nearly five years. She loved to read, and in her final months had taken an interest in a few YA books a friend and I had recommended, including “Divergent.” Susan loved it so much, she even bought it for a young teen on her Christmas list. In fact, one of my last texts from Susan went like this:

“Thanks over and over again for the book recs. I bought Divergent, Moon Over Manifest, and When You Reach Me… And I’m so thrilled!”

Last fall, Susan fell in love with her Kindle Fire and had so much fun reading on it — anything and everything. The penultimate time I visited her, she was looking forward to reading more YA… to finding out what was in store for Tris and Four, whom she agreed were a wonderful role model for an intense, loving relationship — two brilliant and brave kids in love, ready to face whatever seemingly insurmountable obstacles are placed in their way — a lot like Susan her beloved husband, actually.

I’ll miss Susan terribly for reasons big (she had two young boys) and small (I would’ve loved to read “Insurgent” and then lend it to her, to talk about it over a can of Diet Coke and a nosh of bagel), and it occurs to me that one of my favorite quotes about grief is actually from YA. I’d like to share it here in Susan’s honor. It’s written by Jandy Nelson in “The Sky Is Everywhere”:

“Grief is forever. It doesn’t go away; it becomes part of you, step for step, breath for breath. I will never stop grieving Bailey because I will never stop loving her. That’s just how it is. Grief and love are conjoined, you don’t get one without the other. All I can do is love her, and love the world, emulate her by living with daring and spirit and joy.”

We will never stop grieving Susan, because we love her so.